Damaged
by Leonardo1885
Summary: Post Cousin Sid. What do Leo's brothers think when they see the damage inflicted by Leonardo's wounds for the first time. And what exactly is going through Leo's head?


**Hey guys. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas - or if they don't celebrate Christmas that they had happy holidays or even just a good week. Sorry I haven't updated Healing the Broken, again, I've had some stuff going on the last couple weeks that have really made it hard for me to write a love story. I'm doing my best to try and come up with even an idea of where I want the next chapter to be but it isn't there. But as I was pondering about the next chapter for HTB this story idea popped into my head and it was the perfect genere for me to write in right now. I often wondered after seeing The People's Choice how Leo's brothers would have reacted to seeing the damage inflicted upon Leo's shell for the first time. And I'd like to thank my friend Amonraphoenix for kind of giving me the idea for this story in the first place when she and I were discussing this a while ago. I just couldn't get the idea out of my head so I knew I had to write about it. For those who've read similar stories - or have written them I'm sorry I'm not trying to steal any ideas. Hope everyone has a happy New Year. Maybe I'll be able to work through some of the chaos in my head and get to work on an update for HTB soon. In the meantime enjoy.**

**Hai - Yes**

**Musuko - Son**

**Nanimono - Nothing**

**Boku no mewo mitte - Look into my eyes**

**Hottoi te kure - Leave me alone**

**Urusai - Shut up**

* * *

><p><strong>Damaged<strong>

"How many times have I told you – no _scratching, _Mikey!" April snatched the fork Michelangelo had tied to the end of a large stick so it would reach down into his casts and scratch his irritated skin.

"Ahh… come on, April." Michelangelo pleaded, his bright blue eyes going extra round in the typical Mikey pleading expression.

April was not taken in, her lips thinned a little and she crossed her arms across her chest, giving Michelangelo an icy glare.

Donatello suppressed the urge to snicker, April could be more stubborn than Raph sometimes. And taking care of four injured mutated turtles and an injured mutated rat had worn her patience down to almost nothing over the past week. She had enough to keep her hands full with Raphael aching to get out of bed despite his three cracked ribs and finding something constructive for Donatello so he wouldn't drive her out of her mind because he was bored.

And then there was Leonardo. Not that he caused much of a problem for her, he really didn't do too much. After the Cousin Sid incident, Leo had gone back to being far too quiet, spending most of his time glaring out the window, only moving occasionally to shift his weight from one foot to the other. He refused to take the painkillers April offered him, much to Donatello and April's displeasure, and would skip most meals until Splinter wouldn't take no for an answer. Leonardo wouldn't speak to them at all while he pushed his food around his plate with his fork – and after three or four bites he'd throw the rest of the food out and go back to his silent vigil.

This was a side of his brother that Donatello had never seen before and he was finding it more and more worrisome by the day. That stranger in his brother's shell had taken over Leonardo completely, and Donatello feared that if they couldn't get through to Leonardo soon that this new dark and brooding Leo would be permanent.

Donatello was aching to check on all his brothers' wounds himself – Leonardo's especially had him worried since his brother refused to let April tend to them. From the stiff way he held left arm, Donatello knew that the stab wound had to be bothering him – but Leonardo never complained about it. Still, as soon as Donatello was up for having a battle of wills with his oldest brother he was going to check on that stab wound. The last thing they needed was for Leonardo to get an infection – or worse. Besides Donatello hadn't had the chance to see just how bad the damage was.

He mentally winced, remembering the sound of metal sliding into flesh, scraping against bone, and then a sound he hoped never to hear from his brother again. Although he knew that wasn't realistic, Leo was always throwing himself between them and whatever danger presented itself. It was just a part of who Leo was – just like it was a part of Raph to throw himself into battle without thinking about how overwhelming the odds could be. Donatello hadn't seen Karai stab his brother, he'd been distracted at the time and at first it hadn't registered what had happened, until Raphael had cried out their brother's name.

The raw pain and fear in Raphael's voice had made Donatello's heart freeze. Raphael only sounded like that when he was terrified for one of them – and even though Raph and Leo would fight all the time Raph couldn't hide how much he really cared about them when one of them was hurt.

Donatello had turned just in time to see Leonardo's katana, still in Karai's hand, slice through the leather strap that held Leonardo's katana on his shell. His brother had been a motionless figure crumpled at her feet, his brown eyes open and glassy, blood pooling under his arm.

Donatello had stopped breathing – Leo had looked dead. He'd stared at his brother in horror, not even noticing when Raphael had sprang at Karai, getting in a good kick and sending her flying across the room. Karai had landed with a grunt of pain and Leo's katana flew out of her hand.

Donny had felt relief flood through him when he saw Leo blink and screw his eyes shut, grimacing in pain. He breathed again – Leo was alive. Injured, and the extent of the damage Donny wasn't sure, but he was alive and as long as it stayed that way Donny could help his brother heal – injuries he could fix, death was unfixable.

"Donny?" April's voice broke through Donatello's thoughts. He blinked and found her emerald green eyes staring at him in concern, and they weren't the only ones. Raphael's steady amber eyes, Michelangelo's wide blue ones, and Splinter's black were all fixed on him. Donatello felt blood rising to his cheeks – how long had April been trying to get his attention that his brothers and Splinter had taken notice?

Donatello's eyes snapped back to April. "Sorry, April."

April gave him an understanding smile. "Maybe you should get some rest, Donny. You've been doing a lot over the past few days – you look tired."

"I'm alright, April," Donatello said stubbornly.

April cocked an eyebrow at him and pursed her lips but said nothing.

"Donatello," Splinter's grave voice had Donatello's brown eyes swiveling over to meet his sensei's black steady orbs.

"Hai, Sensei?"

"You need rest if your body is to heal," Splinter said firmly, his whiskers twitching a little. Donatello had the feeling that Splinter knew all too well how little sleep Donatello had gotten over the last few days, worrying about his brothers – and how anxious he was to get up and check their injuries for himself.

Donatello ducked his head and leaned back against his pillows. "Hai, Sensei," he agreed meekly knowing there was no point in arguing. He would never win against Splinter.

At that moment soft footfalls, too soft for most people to pick up but having grown up with him made Donatello recognize the familiarity of those steps, reached the top of the stairs as Leonardo appeared. His dark brown eyes were narrowed behind his mask, the same scowl he'd been wearing for days was still in place, his eyes swiveled quickly around the room, locking onto all of his brothers and Splinter, as if to reassure himself they were all there. Then without a word he marched to his familiar post of staring out the window.

Donatello stared after his brother, watching as Leonardo glared out the window. Something about his brother's stance bothered him. He frowned trying to figure out what it was, but for the moment he couldn't put his finger on it.

The crisp white bandages were still wrapped tightly around Leonardo's shell and shoulder. Donatello's frown deepened as he stared at his brother's back, why had they wrapped up his shell? How deep did that katana actually penetrate Leo's body? Donatello hadn't had the chance to ask the utroms too many questions about his family's injuries before they'd had to go to the Shredder's court hearing. And at the time Donatello hadn't worried about it – he'd figured he'd have time to talk to them more about his family's injuries later. And he had gotten a debriefing from the head utrom healer – but all he'd gotten from the utrom about Leo's injuries was that he was lucky the sword hadn't pierced anything vital.

Donatello hadn't asked further questions, but now he wished he had.

Splinter's nose twitched and his whiskers quivered a little, he turned to give a startled look to Leonardo.

"My son, perhaps you should have April or your brother look at your injury."

"I'm fine, Sensei," Leonardo's voice was clipped, sharper than Donatello had ever heard him speak to their father. He stared at his brother, astonished at his tone. He could see Raphael and Michelangelo had similar expressions on their faces.

"Leonardo," Splinter's eyes had narrowed a little at his son's tone, but his own voice was gentle, purposefully calm. "Even the strongest warrior must call upon help when required."

Leonardo's shoulders stiffened, he turned his head slowly, his brown eyes as hard as flint. "I'm fine, Sensei – I don't need help."

Donatello couldn't help but be astonished. When had Leonardo turned into Raphael? Leo never spoke to their sensei like that he always showed Splinter respect and was obedient when Splinter asked something of him. It was Raph's job to be the rebel, to have the attitude and to fight tooth and nail against everything that was asked of him. Leo was always the one that kept him in line – but now it was as if the roles had been reversed.

"Leo," Donatello's voice was soft and hesitant. Leo's hard eyes snapped to his face, Donatello resisted the urge to cower under the look Leo gave him. He'd never received a look like that from his brother before and for a moment he wondered if this was how the foot felt when Leonardo's hard gaze landed on them. It was terrifying. "If your shoulder is bothering you – you really should let April or I take a look at it. You don't want to risk an infection."

Leonardo's eyes narrowed even more if that was possible. Donatello thought fleetingly of the phrase '_if looks could kill' _because he was sure that he'd be a smoldering pile of ash from the way Leo was looking at him right now. What had gotten into Leo anyway?

"I'm fine, Donny!" Leonardo snapped, his tone had no room for argument.

Then as suddenly as he appeared Leo stormed across the room and down the stairs, disappearing from view.

"Geez," Michelangelo breathed softly.

"Master Splinter?" Donatello glanced hopefully at their mentor and father.

Splinter's head was ducked down and his ears were flat against his head. "I fear your brother has more injuries than meets the eye, Donatello. Not all of them as quick to heal."

"When I get a hold of Karai I'm gonna put my sai up her… " Raphael growled making a very rude gesture.

"RAPHAEL!" Splinter's tone was sharp and Michelangelo snickered quietly.

"She did dat ta 'im, sensei!" Raphael's tone showed no remorse for what he'd done.

Splinter sighed. "My sons, none of us are in any shape to fight. We need time to rest if we are to heal. We will face what comes at us – but not until we are ready."

"Is… is Leo gonna be ok, Master?"

Splinter's tail twitched a little and his black eyes softened a little as he stared at his purple-banded son. "I hope in time he will be, Donatello."

* * *

><p>April watched Leonardo storm off towards the barn through the kitchen window. She suppressed the urge to go after him, knowing it wouldn't do any good. She'd known the guys long enough now to know when it was best to leave them alone.<p>

"Something's really bothering him, Casey," April sighed, turning away from the window and scowling at the vigilante when she saw the package of pepperoni in his hands.

Casey popped another of the round slices into his mouth. "What da ya tink it is?" He asked.

April plucked the package of pepperoni out of his hands and put it back in the fridge despite Casey's squawk of protest. She just hoped he'd leave it alone this time as she planned on using it for the homemade pizza she was making that night.

"I don't know," April admitted, leaning against the closed refrigerator door, and crossing her arms over her bare midriff. "But I've never seen Leo like this – he seems so… " She hesitated for a minute, biting her lip as if trying to come up with the right word, or not sure if she wanted to say whatever was really on her mind.

"So stubborn? So Leo?" Casey asked, trying to help.

"Angry," April finally said with a slight shake of her head.

Casey looked at her, surprised. "I t'ought he was just worried 'bout 'is brothers."

"This is deeper than that, Casey," April said frowning a little. "I've never seen him so distant before. Not even after… " She hesitated, not wanting to drag up the memory of the blue banded turtle so lifeless on the couch, struggling for every breath, his body so bruised and battered April hadn't been sure he'd pull through. After all there was only so much damage a body could take before it just started to shut down. Leo had taken quite the beating that rainy morning, facing off an unknown number of foot soldiers and probably Hun by himself before he'd encountered the elite foot ninja.

The image of shattering glass, unable to withstand the weight of Leo's lifeless body as it flew through the window, and his last cry as he landed hard on the floor popped into April's head. She shook it, trying to rid herself of the memory. Leo wasn't dying this time – none of them were. They were all going to be ok.

Casey was watching April, his normally bright blue eyes a little dull as he pondered over her words. "Ya tink it is more den just 'is injuries gettin' ta 'im?"

"I'm sure, Casey – but I don't think we'll get anything from him. Not until Leo's ready to talk anyway."

Casey nodded and looked out the window towards the barn.

"Come on," April urged pulling Casey's attention back to her. "You can help me with dinner."

* * *

><p>Leo didn't return to the house until well after nightfall. He'd refused to emerge from the barn when April had called him in for dinner and had only reluctantly left his refuge when the temperatures had started to drop.<p>

The smell of melted cheese and seasoned tomato sauce made his stomach ache in protest but Leonardo didn't feel like eating anything. Instead he bypassed the kitchen and headed straight for the stairs to the attic where his family was staying.

The room was dark and Donatello's soft breathing and Michelangelo's mumbling told him that his youngest brothers had fallen asleep. Leonardo paused briefly by both of their beds to check on them, his dark eyes adjusting quickly to the dark, enabling him to see his brothers' sleeping figures.

Michelangelo was curled up on his side, his fingers clenching a blanket tightly to his plastron, deep lines across his forehead above his mask. Leonardo reached forward instinctively, his hand gently brushing the lip of his brother's shell. The lines faded from Michelangelo's face and his breathing deepened and evened out a bit more.

Donatello was on his plastron, his broken arm up over his head, the other tucked underneath him, his face was turned away from Leo. Leo knew that Donatello was sleeping peacefully so he walked slowly across the room to take up his vigil at the window.

The stairs creaked a little, the aging wood shifting a little as someone's weight settled on them. Leonardo's shoulders stiffened slightly when he caught the faint whiff of April's perfume.

"Leo?" April's voice was soft, not wanting to disturb the others.

Leonardo turned away from the window, staring at the red-head with shadowed eyes.

"There's some pizza left in the fridge – we saved you some."

"I'm not hungry," Leonardo said quietly, despite the ache in his gut.

April was quiet for a minute, her green eyes trying to penetrate through the dark as if trying to make him out in the shadows he hid in. But her search came up empty. Leo had spent too many years blending in with his surroundings to be seen by untrained eyes unless he wanted to be.

"If you change your mind… " April trailed off letting the invitation for the cold pizza hang in the air between them.

"No, thank you," Leo said a bit stiffly.

April shook her head. "Leo, you'll have to eat something sometime. You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."

Leonardo's eyes narrowed.

But April had already turned and was walking down the stairs, the wood once again creaking and moaning under her weight.

"She's right, Leo – ya gotta eat somethin'," Raphael's voice was soft, void of sarcasm.

Leonardo's eyes snapped to where Raphael was half sitting half laying down on the cot, propped up by only his elbow. His brother's amber eyes pierced through the dark, meeting his own steadily.

"I'm fine, Raph," Leonardo said coldly.

Raphael's eyes narrowed. "Ya have a quarter of a sandwich in the last 32 hours an' ya expect me ta believe dat ya ain't hungry?"

"Urusai," Leonardo muttered turning back to the window.

"Leo, ya gotta..."

But Leo wasn't in the mood to listen.

"I don't have to listen to this," Leonardo snapped, his voice a bit louder than he intended. Michelangelo twitched, his breath hitching for a moment before quieting again.

Leonardo slid open the window easily. He stepped out onto the roof and climbed steadily up to the top, sitting down on the edge and staring up into the dark sky at the stars. The moon was almost full, a few clouds drifted lazily across the star strewn sky, but other than that the night was still. Leonardo glared up at the stars. Normally he liked watching the sky out here at the farmhouse – they didn't get to see skies like this in the city. But tonight the sky held no pleasure for him.

He shivered a little although the night was not cold.

"Leonardo?"

Reluctantly Leonardo tore his eyes away from the stars to meet Splinter's black steady gaze. The old rat had climbed silently out of the window after him, his charred body still looking very ragged, and he moved more stiffly than he normally would. He joined Leonardo where he sat.

"What is it that is troubling you, Musuko?" Splinter asked.

Leonardo couldn't look at him. Splinter hadn't spoken to them in Japanese for a long time. It was something he did when they were children, when he hadn't mastered English yet.

"Nanimono," Leo muttered under his breath.

"Leonardo," Splinter frowned when Leonardo just merely turned his head towards the barn, his normally soft brown eyes hard as flint. It wasn't like Leonardo to be like this. "Musuko," he said a little quieter. "Boku no mewo mitte."

Leonardo didn't respond for a moment but then reluctantly he turned and looked Splinter in the eye. Pain and anger reflected from Leonardo's eyes, and something that he was masking that Splinter couldn't see.

"Leonardo," Splinter said gently when Leonardo turned his head away. "You must not keep these feelings inside yourself." He frowned a little when Leonardo shivered in the warm night air. He placed a hand on Leonardo's arm and felt his son twitch underneath his touch but he tightened his fingers around his son's leathery skin, feeling somewhat alarmed at the heat he felt radiating from Leonardo's skin.

"Leonardo, have you been feeling ill?"

Leonardo pulled his arm out from underneath Splinter's hand and stood up. "I'm fine, Master Splinter," he said coldly.

Splinter frowned at his son. "Leonardo, you cannot continue to push yourself the way you have been over the past week. You will not heal the way you should. You need rest and… "

"I said I'm fine," Leonardo interrupted, his face settling into a hard mask. Then without another word he turned, walked to the edge of the roof and leapt down gracefully, making only the smallest of sounds when he landed on the soft grass below.

Splinter sighed and stood up to return to the bedroom. "Hai, Leonardo, but I fear how much longer you will be "fine" before your body betrays you."

* * *

><p>Leonardo shook off a wave of dizziness as he stumbled to the kitchen the next morning. He'd spent the rest of the night out in the barn. It hadn't exactly been very warm or comfortable in there, but it had been quiet and he'd had the time he needed to think through a few things. His legs were shaking and he felt too cold. He just needed some tea – that would make him feel better.<p>

To his relief the tea kettle was already on the stove heating up, April had her back to him, working on something that was heating up on the stove. The smell was filling the kitchen with its mouthwatering perfume but Leonardo really didn't feel very hungry.

"The water should be done in a couple minutes, Leo," April said turning to glance at him over her shoulder.

Leonardo merely nodded, he didn't seem to have the energy to do much more than that. He didn't notice the worried expression that crossed April's face or the way her eyes shot up towards the ceiling where the sounds of grumbling voices could faintly be heard.

After a couple minutes April slid a cup of tea in front of Leonardo along with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. Leonardo blinked at the eggs with such surprise it would have been almost comical. But April found no humor in the situation. Leonardo was normally one never taken by surprise. She sat down next to him, nursing a cup of coffee.

"Leo? Are you feeling ok? You're looking a little… " She trailed off staring anxiously at Leonardo's face. It had taken on a grayish hue, his eyes locked onto his plate of eggs and toast, and his jaw screwed shut. April reached over and touched Leonardo's arm.

He flinched and pulled away but April's eyes widened in alarm. "Leo! You're burning up!"

Leonardo's eyes reluctantly left his plate and met hers for a brief instant before rolling towards the stairs leading to where the rest of his family were currently stirring. "I… I… "

But before Leo could even finish his sentence his eyes rolled up into his head and he tumbled sideways off the chair, not hearing April's scream or feeling her arms wrap around his upper torso as she tried to stop his fall.

* * *

><p>"He's pushed himself too hard," Donatello grumbled as he worked feverishly over his brother, sponging him with cool towels as he fought to bring Leo's temperature down.<p>

"Is that all it is?" April asked from where she sat across the room, nursing her strained wrist and aching hip where she'd hit it on the floor when she'd tried to stop Leonardo's fall. His weight had dragged her down with him and he'd fallen heavily on her, and that was how Donatello, and a newly released from bed rest Raphael had found her. Between Raph, Donny, and Casey the three of them had managed to get a semi conscious Leo to the couch but Leonardo's breathing had deepened not long after that and they hadn't been able to rouse him.

"I'm not sure," Donatello said frowning a little as he laid another cool cloth on Leonardo's plastron. "I haven't had a chance to look at his injuries yet – and the utroms didn't really give me a lot to go on regarding Leo's wounds."

"You think they might be infected?" April asked, alarmed.

"Leo's really good about keeping his katana clean," Donatello said doubtfully. "But there's always the chance for infection – and I have no idea how deep the katana went when Karai stabbed him."

"It would probably be best if you looked," April said standing up, wincing a little but joining Donatello at the couch. "If he has an infection it is best to get it treated now and not waiting for later."

Donatello swallowed hard but nodded determinedly. Gently he began to unbind Leonardo's wounds, but found trouble when it came to unwinding the gauze from around Leo's shell. "April, I can't hold Leo up to get these off. I need Raph."

"Do you think that's wise, Donny? With Raph's ribs… "

"He's fine – I checked him out this morning. His ribs are healing and they haven't shifted at all – I just need him to hold Leo up so I can get the gauze off."

"I'll get him, Donny," April stood up and left, disappearing up the stairs taking them two at a time.

Donatello removed the last of the gauze from Leo's arm.

"Donny, April said ya needed help with Leo," Raph said walking up to the couch and staring down at their unresponsive sibling.

Donatello nodded. "I just need you to hold him up a little so I can check his wounds – he shouldn't have a fever this high, unless he has an infection. But I can't get the bindings off with my… "

"Yeah, yeah," Raphael said impatiently and sitting on the chair April brought in for him. "Just tell me what ya need me ta do."

"Just support his head and shoulders so I can get the bindings off."

Raphael gently lifted Leonardo's head and upper torso off the arm of the couch, holding them with what looked like very little effort.

Donatello worked quickly, knowing that even though Raphael might not act like he was feeling the strain of Leo's weight he would if he held him for too long.

Raphael grunted a little as Donatello unwrapped the last layer of bandages. Donatello stared at his brother's wounds. The wound from the katana was deep, the edges of the wound swollen and raw looking but there was no puss or sour smell to indicate an infection. He sighed a bit in relief.

"Donny," Raphael's voice was strained. Donatello looked at his brother, worried that holding Leonardo had injured Raphael further but Raphael was staring at Leonardo's shell, his eyes wide with horror, his normally dark green skin taking on a grayish tint.

"Raph? Are you… ?"

"Donny, 'is shell – what happened ta Leo's shell?"

Alarmed and ignoring his own injuries Donatello pulled Leonardo forward so that his brother's head rested just under his chin, giving him a clear view of Leonardo carapace.

It only took him half a second to see what had gotten Raphael so upset. For the majority of Leonardo's shell it was the same as normal, but on the left side just behind his shoulder a large piece had been shorn off. But it wasn't just the outer edge it traveled almost until it reached the middle of his shell, starting out large on the outer edge and then ending in a crooked triangled point.

April gasped, covering her mouth as tears filled her eyes.

"Holy," Donatello said his brown eyes widening behind his mask.

"Shell," Raphael said his amber eyes locked on his brother's shell. "Donny, how da shell did dat happen?"

Donatello shook his head. "The katana must have gone in deeper than I thought," he muttered. He lifted his gaze away from his brother's damaged shell. "Raph, did you see how far the blade pierced him?"

Raphael shook his head.

Donatello fingered the rough edges of Leonardo's damaged shell. "The only reason the utroms would remove so much is if the shell had been dying."

"What's dat supposed ta mean?" Raphael demanded.

"If Karai stabbed him with enough force to go all the way through his shoulder and do damage to his shell it could have caused serious complications. Leo's lucky that it hadn't been a few more inches to the right or she could have hit some major blood arteries or even hit his spinal cord."

April shuddered delicately and Raphael's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"If there was damage done to Leo's shell when Karai stabbed him then the chances of infection setting in were a lot higher."

"But how did it get dis big?" Raphael demanded. "It ain't like she jerked it around inside 'im."

"If Leo's shell was even cracked it is very serious, Raph. Cracks alone can take a long time to heal, but if something happens and parts of the shell start to die either from infection or something else they have to be removed before something more serious sets in. If infection gets into the bone it is much more serious than a regular infection. It spreads faster and is more difficult to treat."

"So yer sayin'," Raphael paused swallowing hard, his eyes once again glued to the scar that marred his brother's shell.

"I'm saying that parts of Leo's shell had probably started to die – the utrom healers probably had no choice but to remove the dying section of Leo's shell or risk him getting a serious infection."

"Will he… will he always have that scar, Donny?" April asked her voice a little shaky.

Donatello closed his eyes briefly but nodded solemnly. "Yes, I'm almost positive that he will."

* * *

><p>Leonardo had the feeling that he'd been sleeping for a very long time. He opened his eyes slowly, bringing the living room slowly into focus. When had he come in here to lie down? And why did he feel so stiff? Slowly he turned his head, staring around the dark room. It was well after nightfall. Had he come in after his morning tea and sleep the rest of the day?<p>

Actually, he mused frowning, he couldn't remember ever finishing his tea. One minute he'd been at the kitchen table with April and the next he'd felt really sick and dizzy, the room had spun sickeningly for a moment and then the world had gone black. He was almost positive that he hadn't come in here to lie down. So how had he gotten here? He pushed away the blanket and started to sit up.

"Oh no ya don't," a familiar voice growled from the blackness.

Leonardo blinked, shocked. "Raph? What are you doing down here?"

"Waitin' fer you ta wake up. Ya've been unconscious all day, Leo."

"What happened?"

"Ya passed out at da table – Donny, Case, and I had ta carry ya in here. Couldn't get ya ta wake up. Donny said ya've been pushin' yerself too hard. Not gettin' 'nough sleep and not eatin' anyting."

Leonardo scowled. "I've been eating."

Raphael snorted. "Quarter of a sandwich ain't gonna cut it, Leo. And when's da last time ya got some decent sleep?"

Anger flared in Leonardo's gut. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"That's right – ya don't. " Raphael said coldly. "But ya ain't actin' like yerself, Leo. Ya've changed and it ain't fer da better."

Leonardo glared at his brother in the dark. "Hottoi te kure!"

Raphael cocked an eye ridge at his brother. "Ya gonna make me?"

Leonardo snarled under his breath. His limbs still felt shaky and his head was pounding so hard he was sure it was going to bust open. He tried to sit up but a wave of dizziness rolled over him and nausea hit him so suddenly that if it hadn't been for his brother's hand suddenly turning him onto his side and holding a bowl under his chin Leo was sure he'd have choked on the bile. But there was nothing to bring up, his stomach dry heaved with such force that he gagged and tears of agony pierced the corners of his eyes.

After what seemed like an eternity his stomach finally calmed. He slowly came to the realization that Raphael was talking softly to him.

"That's it, bro, just deep breaths like dat. Take it easy – yer alright."

Leonardo forced himself to take deep steadying breaths and slowly his body relaxed.

"Ya ok?" Raphael's amber eyes pierced his through the dark.

Leonardo nodded weakly.

"Why are ya doin' dis, Leo? Ya tryin' ta make yerself sick?" Raphael asked perching on the edge of his chair again, but this time his voice held no bitterness, his eyes were not accusing but scared.

"I just have to, Raph," Leonardo whispered.

Raphael's eyes narrowed. "Have ta what?"

"Never mind," Leonardo muttered. His eyes, a moment ago achingly open and vulnerable had snapped shut again, locking whatever was bothering him behind those brown orbs.

"Leo, ya ain't gotta do nothin'. Yer makin' yerself sick fer no reason. Ya tink yer gonna be any use ta us if ya can't even stand up without passin' out? Ya gotta start eatin' and sleepin', bro. I don't know what's goin' on in dat head of yers but ya gotta stop dis. Ya really scared us earlier – Mikey was fightin' Don and April ta come down here and keep an eye on ya 'imself. And Master Splinter… " Raphael didn't finish. But he didn't have to.

Leonardo closed his eyes tightly, ashamed of how worried he'd made his family.

"Leo," Raphael finally broke the silence between them a few minutes later.

Leonardo opened his eyes slowly. "Hmm?"

Raphael shifted a little on his chair. "Were ya awake when da… did ya… when Karai… " Raphael hesitated as if not sure how to continue his question.

Leonardo's eyes narrowed. "What about Karai?"

"Never mind." Raphael said quickly.

"Raph! What about Karai?" Leonardo demanded sharply. He saw Raphael flinch a little at his tone.

"It's just – Donny was worried dat ya might have an infection – so he checked yer wounds while ya were out. We saw yer shell."

Leonardo scowled into the darkness but not at his brother. He hadn't seen the damage for himself of course but he'd known that something had been wrong when he'd been in the healers' pavilion. He could remember the utroms talking about internal damage, something being cracked, and removing dead pieces. But they'd given him something and it had made his memories fuzzy.

"I don't remember, Raph."

Raphael nodded, accepting the truth in Leo's words.

"I'm tired, Raph. You should get some sleep." Leonardo said quietly. He really didn't want his brother, who was still healing himself, to sit there watching him all night.

Raphael hesitated for a moment, but then seemed to understand that Leo wanted to be alone. So reluctantly he rose from his seat and started up the stairs.

Leonardo waited until he was sure he heard Raphael's mattress groan under his weight, then quietly he rose up from the couch and padded quietly down the hall to the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door behind him, Leo began to unwind the bindings Donatello had replaced over his shoulder and shell. After a few minutes the unsoiled bandages laid in a heap by his feet and he turned, cocking his head to look over his shoulder into the mirror and felt his jaw pop open on its own accord when he saw for himself the damage that would forever mark his shell.

* * *

><p><strong>3 Weeks Later<strong>

"Leo!"

Leonardo suppressed a sigh, Michelangelo had been full of energy now that his casts had been removed and had only had to be bound with ace bandages. Donatello's cast had been removed as well and Raphael was almost completely back to normal. A few scars marred Raphael's dark green skin, a few more battle trophies won in the heat of the fight, but Raphael had so many of those he barely even noticed.

Leonardo had a couple new scars himself, a couple that had healed without any complications. The stab wound to his shoulder, which only left the faintest pucker for a scar and the slash on his arm. But one scar would never fade, would never change, would never heal. Karai had permanently damaged his shell, her mark would be left on his shell for the rest of his life.

Leo pretended he couldn't feel the others' stares when they looked at it, but he felt as if a neon sign was hovering over him, pointing to his damaged shell with a "look at me" flashing in bright pink. Something no one would miss.

Michelangelo came bounding up next to his brother, breaking through the older turtle's thoughts. "Don, Raphy and I are gonna head out to the mill to camp. Ya in?"

Leonardo hesitated, if he stayed home he'd have the chance to avoid his brothers' stares, but he wouldn't be able to keep them safe if something happened out there either. His brothers always seemed to attract trouble without trying.

He nodded his head. "Sure, Mikey." He said without much enthusiasm. But it was the lesser of two evils he decided as Michelangelo bounced out of the room, without even a limp.

"Hey, guys, Leo's comin' too!" Michelangelo called to the others out in the hall.

"Great – tell 'im we're leavin' in half an hour. Case said he knew where da mill was and he'd drop us off and pick us up in a couple days." Raphael called back.

Leonardo sighed and stood up, picking up the newly repaired holder for his katana, sliding the strap into its place over his shell. It shifted unevenly against the rough edges of his damaged shell. He shifted it, unused to the way the leather caught on the edge of his shell. He sighed, and headed inside to pack up his things for a campout with his brothers. He would keep them safe. He would protect them.

Raphael was right – he wasn't the same turtle he was. The old Leonardo had been weak, naive, always trusting in others to do the right thing. The old Leonardo hadn't been strong enough to protect his brothers, the old Leonardo had failed.

Never again. He would never let his family down again! The leather strap shifted against the damaged part of his shell again and Leonardo smiled grimly. Yes, the old Leonardo had failed but he would never fail his family again. That scar would be the perfect reminder – he had to be better, stronger, faster, more alert, always ready, _perfect_ if he were going to keep his family safe. He would hate this new scar and love it. Hate it for the reminder that it was and love it for the constant reminder it would be in the months to come.


End file.
